I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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