we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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