I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
