I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
