If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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