We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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