someone threw a dead crab at me
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
