Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
