He disabled his match.com account in front of me
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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