I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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