You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
as a side note pls kill me
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
