I cannot find my penis.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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