he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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