She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
