I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
We're too hungover to prance.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
