Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
