I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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