Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
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