I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
