we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
