sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
