So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
