Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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