yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
