when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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