yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
