we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
