Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
