The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
