I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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