dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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