We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize