we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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