apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize