So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
