she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
