ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
