Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
