I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Never joke about your clitoris.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize