Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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