"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
