i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
