Moan for me like Helen Keller
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
