look no pants
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
