I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
