pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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