I am in a vortex of obligation.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
