I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
