I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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