oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
