My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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