If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I met the friendliest cop last night
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
