i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize