you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Randomize
