note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
