Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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