the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Randomize
