just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
