At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
