he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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