***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize