i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
