I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
