the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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