she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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