Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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