He had one of those small greek statue penises
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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