he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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