There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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