I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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