I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
