I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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